~ November 12, 2003 - 12:21 p.m. ~
With Fifteen Feet of Rope
Jennyblues is so right . . . I have a terrible time coming up with fond memories of high school, hence the Memegen cop-out of earlier. There are really more one-liners that I recall with pleasure than full on stories of the sort I�ve been posting lately. Well, I know the stories are there. Perdita helped me make a list of them one day, but naturally I lost it. In belated honor of Halloween, I guess I�ll talk about the time I lost my virginity. No, no people! God, that one�s staying in the vault. I�m talking about the first (and incidentally only) time I went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show , and the de-virginization ceremony that I somehow skipped out on.
�With Fifteen Feet of Rope�
Dinah and Odella were two of my first friends at SOA, and luckily, we all lived in more or less the same neighborhood. Soon after, we met Lilith, who also lived near by, and the four of us ended up in a carpool. We were always doing things in a group (and I have the embarrassing pictures to prove it), but occasionally, Odella�s mother, who, I�ve got admit, was a little more on the ball about parenting but a little more strict, would shield Odella from some of our more dubious exploits. For example, Halloween of our freshman year.
Dinah was obsessed with Rocky Horror Picture Show , and had been since she was quite small. Her mother often told fond stories of Dinah bursting into song in the parking lot of her Montessori nursery school. She owned the deluxe anniversary video addition of the film, and within seconds of knowing her, we had seen the movie too. I don�t remember if Odella was ever allowed to see the video, but I know Lilith and I did, and soon Dinah had us convinced that we needed to see the movie in real life.
�There�s just no comparison,� she�d say. And because we were all a bunch of virgins , we�d agree. We finally decided to go on Halloween, when we heard they eased up on the de-virginization stunts. That, we�d heard, was the icky part. Some one told us that usually the virgins were made to strip or eat disgusting things, or were publicly humiliated. But on Halloween, the staff of the Carefree Theatre was so besieged with first-timers that they let you off with saying something silly, or kissing whomever you were with, or something milder.
My mother was reluctant to agree to let me go. Watching semi-graphic campy seventies movies starring a half-naked Tim Curry while at a friends house was one thing. Letting your fourteen year old get dressed up in risqu� apparel to watch it with a lot of older people away from all parental supervision in a coed group was quite another. She relented, on the grounds that I got to the All Saints Mass at church and help out with the youth group Halloween fair for an hour beforehand. I agreed.
Jennyblues came home from school with me that day, and we hustled over to church in time for five o�clock mass. Since we were going into God-only-knew what kind of den of sin in just a few short hours, we figured we�d better hit the confessional after the service. We both came out fighting mad at the senile priest who saw us (he told me I was a slut, but God would forgive me, and that was before I�d had a chance to confess anything, and he told Jenny that she was responsible for her parents� divorce and that she should suffer for their sins), and decided that whatever we ended up doing that night was not on our heads.
After our bit of volunteerism, we went back to my house to dress up. Jennyblues hadn�t originally planned to goth herself out, but with a little help from a push-up bra, my grandmother�s old cleavage-plunging black slip, fishnets, and some trashy makeup, we worked wonders. I went with fishnets, purple denim hot-pants, a purple bra and an over-sized purple shirt knotted on one side and cut up so it hung off my shoulders. I also sprayed my hair with purple spray so that my pony-tail fanned out a little, and wore purple lipstick and eye shadow. I�m shocked that my mother let us out of the house.
We met up with Lilith and Dinah, who were similarly attired, and Dinah�s mom drove us down to the Carefree Theatre, where we met up with Tech, Mason, and Em. None of them had dressed up, and Tech made a special point to mock me for my outfit. We had just broken up about two weeks earlier.
�Jesus, you look like a freak! Everyone here looks like a freak!�
�Then why the fuck did you come, asshole?�
We paid for our tickets and our prop bags, and made our way into the theatre. We hadn�t gone far before an employee of the theatre stopped us.
�Whoa. Are you guys virgins?�
�Uhh . . .�
Dinah and I looked at each other and raised our eyebrows. We�d forgotten to tell Em and the boys about the de-virginization.
�No,� Dinah said loudly. �I�m not.�
�Me neither,� Lilith and I chorused, and we were followed by Em.
�Jennyblues is,� said Tech.
�Shit,� mumbled Jennyblues.
�OK, she�s a virgin, fine. But I gotta ask you guys where you get your drugs from?� This was a question to see if we�d ever watched the movie before, but none of us could remember if there were drugs in Rocky Horror , or where they came from. We stood the stupidly.
�Uh . . .�
�You guys are virgins.�
�No, really we�re not!� I said. Ask us something else!� I begged.
�Fine,� sighed the dude. �What�s your favorite color?�
�Magenta!� Lilith, Dinah, and I screamed.
�Right. What color is Rocky�s underwear?� he countered.
�Gold!� we shrieked.
�Oh, crap, I get the drug question!� said Lilith, who was a little quicker on the uptake than the rest of us. �Columbia!�
�All right,� said the dude. �You all are cool. You,� he said, pointing at Jennyblues. �Come with me.�
We settled into our seats and watched as the dude led Jennyblues up on the stage with the other virgins. Tech and Mason went through their prop bags.
�What is this shit?� Mason asked.
�It�s for the movie,� Dinah explained. �People are going to get up and act out the movie while it�s playing, and you can act along with the props.�
�Oh cool, there�s toast in here!� Tech said, taking a huge bit out of his.
�Don�t eat that!� Dinah said, smacking his hand. �That�s for later.�
�Do we get to eat it later?�
�No,� I replied. �You throw it.�
�That�s dumb.�
�Shut up,� Lilith said. �They�ve started the de-virginizing.�
We turned our attention to the stage where two girls dressed as French maids (a la Magenta) were singing Monty Python�s �Sit on My Face� song, moaning and feeling each other up as they did so.
�Hot,� muttered Tech. I turned to glare at him, and noticed that Em had disappeared. I don�t remember why, but we didn�t see much of her all night. I think she was trying to hook up with someone else who was there. Birk, maybe? But I don�t recall if they were already together by the end of October. It�s a bit of a blur.
Soon it was Jenny�s turn.
�OK,� said the MC. �For those of you who have just arrived, the theme of tonight�s de-virginization is how you want to loose it!� He turned to Jennyblues. �What�s you�re name?�
�Jenny.�
�OK Jenny, I want you to take this mic and scream �With 15 feet of rope�.�
�What?�
� �With 15 feet of rope.��
�Uh, ok.� Jennyblues took the mic and stepped forward. �With 15 feet of rope,� she said quietly and blandly.
Laughing, the audience booed her.
�I can�t hear you!� The MC shouted as she tried to hand the mic back to him.
She tried again, with a little more feeling this time. �With 15 feet of rope!�
We continued to boo, still laughing.
�One more time!� Hollered the MC.
�WITH FIFTEEN FEET OF ROPE!� screamed Jennyblues, getting into it this time.
Just at that moment, the MC took one of those long, expanding lance/light-saber things and thrust it between Jenny�s legs, using it to raise the slip and flash her to the audience.
We were in an uproar. Jennyblues thrust the mic back to the MC and rushed offstage to where we were sitting.
�I�m gonna kill you guys,� she spat between clenched teeth.
We laughed and assured her that no one saw anything (which wasn�t entirely true, sorry Jen).
Before the movie began, but after the de-virginizations were over, the Carefree Staff held some sort of contest that involved whipped cream and chocolate sauce. I forget the nature or the reason of this display, but Tech volunteered to participate in it, and we had fun laughing at him as he got himself covered in ice-cream condiments. I think he got a free shirt out of the deal, because he had changed at our insistence.
The movie actually wasn�t as great as I thought it was gonna be, although we had fun. But I really don�t think anything could outdo Jennyblues�s performance. We spent the next four years of school making her periodically say �with 15 feet of rope� for our amusement. And sweetheart that she is, she never complained, or smacked us upside the head.
